25 Things Not to Do When Living With Dean and Sam
by Erebourne
Summary: A list and series of One-Shots on how to not get your ass kicked living with the dear Winchesters! Rated for Dean's and my language and mild sexual themes but nothing explicit. Hope you enjoy! Should end up with about 26 really short chapters. Uses my OC.
1. List

_**Author's Note: **__**Hey guys! Geneva here with a little something I cooked up out of utter boredom. It's a list of 25 things you just don't do when you live with the Winchesters! I'm going to accompany it with a One-Shot for each in following chapters. I used my OC Chrystal for this one, because I'm going to be introducing her in a new fic entitled PROBLEM CHILD coming soon to a computer screen near you! Key character traits: She's basically me. Goth, bisexual, troubled past, same music taste as Dean but also with newer bands, smartass, and likes to screw with people. She also has a cat named Sweeney! *Nuzzles own Sweeney cat as he tries to climb across keyboard* And he's not much better behaved than mine….**_

_**And I don't own the Winchesters or the Impala. I only own Chrystal, Sweeney, and plot. Enjoy and Review! :)**_

_**25 THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN YOU LIVE WITH DEAN AND SAM WINCHESTER**_

1. Never, under ANY circumstances, come up to Sam growling in the middle of the night. His reflexes are fast, and the result will be very painful for you.

2. If your cat accidentally tears a hole in the interior of the Impala, you might want to hide it, not scream out "I can fit my hand in the seat now!" Trust me; you will have to fight Dean at the next rest stop to keep said cat from ending up with an ass full of rock salt.

3. Never walk up to Dean and jump on him while wearing black sclera lenses (The ones they use in movies for full eyes). He will think you are possessed and bodily slam you to the ground while trying to exorcise you. There is nothing quite like salt in your eyes and a pissed off man on top of you screaming CHRISTO! at the top of his lungs.

4. If you think it would be funny to sneak a dead rat into the trunk of the car, don't. Dean will open it, scream like a girl, and be very pissed off. He keeps a crowbar back there. You cannot run as fast as him.

5. Never ask Sam, even on accident, if his mom ever taught him not to talk to strangers. He will take it personally.

6. If Sam says something containing the phrase "submit", never reply that he would know all about that. Surprisingly, you can indeed fit in the trunk of the Impala. It is a long ride to the next stopover in East Jesus Nowhere.

7. When asked, once again, if Dean and Sam are together, never point to the latter and say "He's top." You will regret this.

8. Likewise, never act like their adopted daughter in public.

9. If you value your computer, never use it to show the brothers WINCEST fictions. Especially if you are the one who wrote them. Your laptop will become the first ever Toshiba/Colt-made Waffle.

10. If Dean is accidentally transformed into a cat by a young witch, NEVER tell him he "makes a good pussy." This will be taken the wrong way, and the scratches will not go away for weeks.

11. Never walk in on Sam when he is having some special alone time with his computer. Those images cannot be mentally deleted.

12. If Dean is looking at your iPod, never tell him that Bullet for My Valentine kicks AC/DC's ass. iPods can hurt when thrown forcefully by a man with deadly accuracy.

13. Learn that a sock on the doorknob is not just a friendly suggestion to keep out when sharing a motel room with two men that are pick up chicks like honey with flies. Learn this fast. You will scream, and so will they.

14. You may want to lock the door when blaring music and dancing around in your bra and panties. Burgers do not take as long to get as you thought, and the brothers will never look at you the same again.

15. Likewise, never dirty dance in a dark club with guys you don't know behind you. You may turn around and see that that hot dude you were grinding against is Dean. You will both blush, especially if you turned him on.

16. Never dare a drunken Sam and Dean to kiss. They will do it; you may be drunk as well and take pictures. They will be discovered. You will be injured.

17. When Dean is flirting with a girl, never jokingly point out that you have a better chance with her than he does. You may be right and she will be bi as well. She may also be the stalking type.

18. Never tell Sam "You look like someone just killed your best friend!" when you come back from somewhere and see him pouting once again. Dean may have been sent to Hell in your absence.

19. Never decide to play drunken "Truth or Dare" with the Winchesters. You may not remember what you told them, but they will. They will not stop making fun of your turn-ons. EVER.

20. Do not sing along with your iPod when you have earbuds in. You will choose to sing the chorus to Closer by Nine Inch Nails. You will be looking at Sam. He will be very confused.

21. If you have an urge to drive the Impala over to the drugstore to grab tampons in the middle of the night, don't. This will be the night that Mr. Stupid is driving and will back into your fender. Dean will not care whose fault it was, and your ass will be kicked.

22. When Dean and Sam are forced to share a bed because you could only get a two-bed room, never walk by humming anything on the I-Love-You playlist you made for your girlfriend. Especially if it is about gay sex. They will recognize it. They will not like you.

23. Even though Dean did not like you driving the Impala to get tampons, he will like it even less when you ask him to get them for you. After you start talking about the possibility of getting blood in said car, he will, however, give in. You will end up reenacting a scene from _Ten Inch Hero_.

24. Don't try to kick Dean under the table after he pisses you off and then blame it on Sam. Getting your foot stomped on by steel-toed boots is excruciatingly painful, especially when it is repeated twice.

25. Never EVER sit between Dean and Sam on a flight. Dean will be singing Metallica, slightly drunk, while squeezing your arm very tightly and Sam will be having a minor panic attack because with your combined luck, who will sit across the aisle from him? Bozo the freakin' Clown. It will be a long flight.


	2. Never Growl at Sam 1

_**Hey guys! Here's the first One-Shot. I know it's super-super-short, but I could only write so much on this scenario. Oh, by the way, I'm going to be making a band/song reference in every one of these chapters. Some are hidden well, some very obvious. First one to catch 'em all gets lotsa love and virtual Winchesters! :)**_

**_Still don't own. Enjoy!_**

I chuckled to myself at the sleeping Sam. His head cocked to one side and his mouth open in a very cute pout. God, he is really hot…

I smirked as an idea came to me. I was going to test college boy back good for that prank in Iowa with the soap. Crouching down, I began to emit a growling sound, planting one hand firmly on his leg and gripping.

The next thing I knew, I was face down in the carpet, my arm twisted so hard behind my back that I thought it was about to come off and a Sam-sized pressure on my back.

"Didn't think I was paying attention, did you, you evil son of a bitch? I'm gonna have a lot of fun stabbing you with Ruby's knife." A voice growled in my ear, his breath hot against the back of my neck, giving me chills.

Sam flipped me over onto my back and stepped onto my stomach as Dean turned the lamp on. As soon as the lamp cast a light on my face, he saw who it was and jumped back in shock, slackjawed.

"Chrystal? Are you ok? Oh God I'm sorry… What the hell were you doing?" He pulled me up by my arm, making me wince at the movement.

"I was, oww, testing your, ssss, reflexes! Damn! You nearly broke my friggin' arm!" I rubbed it haughtily and aimed a kick at his knee. He caught my foot and jerked upward, sending me to my ass.

"Oh, they're pretty good, thanks." He laughed and shook his head, walking back to bed.

"Freak!"

"Geek."


	3. Never Put Sweeney Down in the Impala 2

**Wow, y'all like this? I'm glad! I'll do my level best to make the chapters longer without just dragging them on pointlessly. Thank you guys for the input! Hope you likey!**

**Still don't own anything other than a Season 1 box set of Supernatural. If I did, Sam and Dean would be busy with... You know what? I'll keep that to myself... *blushes***

We were on our way to Black Road, Michigan when it happened. I was in the back seat cuddling with Sweeney before I put him down for a minute to get a drink. The next thing I know, I look over and there's a slash in the black leather seat almost a foot in length and three or so inches wide.

"Damn it! I can fit my hand in the seat now you stupid cat!" I cursed, knowing that our asses were both toast. My eyes were the size of dinner plates, mouth wide.

I have to say, I have NEVER seen someone pull a car over so fast in my life. Dean turned around, eyes wide, and growled, "What?"

I gave a half-hearted "Heeheehee" and pointed to the gash in the back of the seat, where my cat was now sitting, purring contentedly.

"That's it!" the Hunter leaped out of the car and opened the trunk before jerking the other door open and snatching my, now hissing, kitty.

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What're you doing?" I launched myself at him and snatched at Sweeney, who was trying to burrow into my arms to escape.

"That cat is going to get shot! He messed up my baby!" Dean moaned at the damage and ran a finger over the ripped upholstery as a normal person might over the scar on a lover.

"And he IS my baby! You touch him, I will key the Impala, I'm dead serious!" The look of disbelief and eternal suffering on the man's face was priceless as he dropped my cat completely.

"Why don't we just get one of those Pet Carriers?" I continued. "He can't hurt the seats then." I pointed out, dodging Dean and his gun with a puppy pout. Sweeney mewed plaintively as if seconding the motion. I handed him off to Sam. The LAST thing I needed was his help!

"I'm not gonna pay thirty bucks so you can lug that thing around! All he does is eat, sleep, shit, make messes, paw at things, and try to kill me!" He retorted, crossing his arms.

"Dean, you just described yourself." Put in a very bemused Sam, who had been watching our conversation and laughing.

Dean ignored that particular contribution to the debate and flipped a bird in his brother's direction.

I snorted and continued. "And it's not YOUR money, it's… Who is it this time? Oh, yeah, Patrick Monahan's money. Pweeeease, Dean? I loooove you." I pouted again, holding the cat up and rubbing his adorable little white-and-black cottonball face against mine.

"Damn it. Get in. And keep that.. _thing_.. in your lap at all times or he goes in the trunk. Maybe along with you, too." Dean grumbled. I smiled at Sam, who nodded in amused approval of my puppy face. Dean could never resist big brown eyes and a pout. I learned that from the master.

"Chrystal, you are such a smartass."  
"Better than a dumbass, Dean. Better than a dumbass."


	4. Don't Give Dean Demon Eyes 3

**Yo, I'm back again! Hehe, thanks for all the positive feedback I'm gettin! Oh, by the way, if any of y'all would like to try your hand at writing some of these scenarios, I'd LOVE to hear them! I can even put them in at the end, if you want. I love reader contributions!**

**I still don't own more than a box set of Supernatural. If I did, the boys would be busy doing... Other things... ;) Enjoy! (BTW, sclera lenses are the ones they use for demon eyes in the show, ones that make even the white part of your eye black, for those who don't know.)**

When we did the haunting at that optometry place up in Van Nuys, I just couldn't help myself. I mean, if you saw free colored contacts in your prescription, wouldn't you grab some? Besides, I helped save that chick's life, they were small compensation.

Although, in retrospect, I did not think of the fact that those cool all over black lenses they used in the movies would end up causing… Well, basically causing a 20-something, large Hunter to kick my ass good.

Let me explain…

So, I'm thinking I'm all awesome and bad-ass wearing these lenses. I mean, they just looked friggin' sweet! I guess it never crossed my mind how much I resembled a demon with them in… Well, Dean was walking by at that exact moment and I made a really bad decision;

I decided to try and playfully scare him, like we do to each other all the time.

I launched myself at his stout, moving figure and saw his eyes widen in surprise, all right… Directly before he swiped my legs out from under me, shoving me to the ground and cracking my head on the gross motel floor. I saw stains down there I don't even want to THINK about, ok?

Apparently, the man keeps a bag salt with him in his pocket at all times. Frickin' SALT. Well, technically it wasn't in his pocket anymore. It was in my eyes, nose, mouth, bra… Yeah, you get the picture.

So now I've got this guy who is like a solid block of pure muscle sitting on my chest and screaming "Christo!" ('God', in Latin) while chanting something else, also in Latin.

"What the HELL, Dean? Jesus Christ on an ever-loving CRUTCH! Are you off your rocker?" I managed to splutter out while getting pummeled, trying to push him off of me to no avail.

I saw him blink in confusion, and then harden again in anger, deciding it was a ruse. "You evil freak, I'm trying to get you out of my little sister!" As touched as I was that he considered me his sister when I really wasn't, this was not the time for a mushy scene.

It was then that realization hit me like a damn semi. "Dean; They. Are. Freaking. Contacts! Now get off of me, psycho!"

He did, dragging me up with him and pinching the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

"Chrys."

"Yeah?"

"You got about 3 seconds."

I gulped and took off toward the car, planning on hiding behind Sweeney. He was the only thing I'd ever met that wasn't afraid of Dean.


	5. Don't Hide Rats in the Trunk 4

**So here's the one that's probably my favorite out of the list. I hope you guys like it :)**

I walked out of the bar behind the two Winchester brothers, fuming. I had been in the process of picking up a really smoking hot dude in there when Dean decides to intervene.

Oh, yeah, apparently he's my boyfriend now. I'm sitting here flirting with this sexy goth guy, James, and Mr. Big-and-Bad himself walks up in that too-tight muscle shirt and leather jacket that show off just how easily he could knock the shit out of anyone and goes "Hey, babe. Who's this?" While putting an arm around me and giving Mr. Hot-Stuff a look.

Let's just say James had to be somewhere. I'm planning Dean's funeral right now. There will be lots of pretty pink flowers and Justin Bieber music.

That's when I saw the dead rat laying on the sidewalk.

Using a napkin, I gingerly picked it up by the tail, wrapped it in the paper, and put him in my pocket, shuddering. This was gonna be worth touching the little gross fleabag though.

"Where are you goin', 'babe'?" Dean teased, smirking. He didn't pull that stunt out of protectiveness, oh no, it was just to piss me off. It worked.

"Just gotta put my handgun in the back. Forgot to take it off earlier and it's rubbing a hole in my leg." This was actually true, but it wasn't really bothering me.

He nodded and slid in, starting the engine.

I shuffled stuff around a little, concealing the deceased rodent underneath a shining rag and leaving his tail poking out a little. Then, I took a small knife and put it in my pocket. For later.

Laughing out loud, I jumped in the back seat and smiled into the rearview at a very suspicious Hunter.

Back at the motel that night, I decided to put my plan into action. The target was channel surfing, and Sam was on the laptop. I rolled over to one side and dramatically cried out, "Son of a bitch!" as that knife I put in my pocket earlier pierced the skin of my leg.

Both men looked at me quickly. "Chrystal, are you ok? What happened?" Sam asked in alarm.

I pulled the hunting knife out of my jeans and it had a drop of ruby liquid on the tip.

"I forgot I had it in my pocket. Rolled over on it. Damn." I hissed a little and rubbed at my thigh. My jeans were now stained a little with the blood. I didn't mind the pain though, it's not like I hadn't done worse to myself a thousand times.

"Wow. Great move, Miss Smartass. Are we going to have to keep you away from all of our pointy objects now?" Dean asked sarcastically, snatching the blade and walking out the door to put it in the trunk, shaking his head and muttering something about reasons why you don't let women have weapons. As soon as he left the door, I fell over giggling and rushed to the window.

"What did you do, you little imp?" Chuckled a confused Sam. I motioned for him to join me and he did.

Not two minutes later I heard the biggest shriek I heard in my LIFE followed by the girliest "OH MY GOD!" ever. We looked out the glass to see Dean stumbling backwards from the car as if it contained a bomb and covering his mouth with one hand. I doubled over, turning a delicate and unnatural shade of purple while Sam literally rolled on the floor laughing.

We saw big bro look back at the room, disbelief on his face and then realization dawning. This just made us laugh harder. What we didn't see was him grabbing a crowbar from the trunk and running back to the door.

But, oh boy, we found out real soon. Let's just say Dean runs a lot faster than normal when he's pissed. And he's stronger too.


	6. Don't Mention Sam's Mom 5

**Yeah, yeah, I KNOW this one epically SUCKED but I really couldn't figure one out for this one! I didn't plan on doing a story for each until a friend suggested it as I was writing the last few.**

**I promise the rest will be better. Well, without further ado…**

Dean dragged Sam away from the park in Alabama where we had been talking to people. We were gathering information about people who had gone missing from the area, thinking it was a rogue spirit. Out of nowhere, this huge guy Sam had been talking to apparently nods to a hidden accomplice that Sam knows too much and BAM! he's there slapping a rag over his mouth. Thank God Dean chose that moment to compare notes with his little brother.

After a brief situation, we figured out it was nothing Supernatural, just these dickheads getting their kicks. Dean had a lot of things to violently 'say' to them after that.

As we watched the men being loaded into the police car, I turned to Sam, who had scared the living shit out of me.

"What the HELL, Sam? Are you ok? What were you thinking? You scared us to DEATH! Weren't you watching what was going on, like you always get on my case about?" I asked in between hugging him and hitting him, wondering how his senses could fail so badly.

He shrugged. "I didn't think about it! I was just talking to this dude; y'all were in the park, too. I guess I thought… I dunno. He didn't SEEM that weird! I wasn't prepared for a sneak attack like that."

I threw my hands up. "This is the reason that your mommy always told you never to talk to strangers, Sam! Thank God you've made it this long!"

He went silent and turned his head away from me as I realized what I had just said. "Oh, shit. Sam, I.. I wasn't thinking. I was just scared and worried about you. You- you know I didn't mean anything by it, right? Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry, man." I reached my hand out to touch him, but he slapped it away roughly and stalked off in the opposite direction, running a hand through his shaggy hair.

Why is my fucking foot forever in my mouth?

I felt a warm hand on my back and turned around to find Dean, tears clouding my vision. "It's ok, kiddo. He knows you didn't mean it. Still hurts, but he'll be ok." He patted my back and led me by the shoulder to the car, where Sam was already sitting. He still looked pissed and hurt and I felt so guilty.

Dean sighed impatiently and whirled me around so I was looking him in the face. "Look. It's ok. You didn't think about it. He'll be back to his geeky, bitchy self in an hour, tops. I don't need you sulkin' around too Chrys. Stop." He gave me a weak smile and ruffled my hair, purposely annoying me.

I simply nodded, still feeling angry with myself. Karma was sure gonna kick my ass soon, and I just hope nobody else catches the recoil.


	7. Don't Make Fun of Sam's Preferences 6

**Okay, I hope this one makes up for the last! LOL, it was a TON of fun to right, probably one of my favorites out of the whole list :) I hope you guys like it!**

**Oh yeah, still don't own. Otherwise the boys would never leave my bedroom ;)**

I was so bored! We had been in this motel room in stupid Fucking Nowhere, Indiana for days because Dean got laid up with Kick-ass Flu and couldn't walk two steps without losing his lunch. And without Dean, I couldn't go ANYWHERE, even the nearest bar, because Sam was such a freak about that 'no drinking until your 21' thing. Killjoy. I didn't even wanna drink; I just needed to get out! But no, he had to 'take care of Dean.'

Because apparently a man with a lifetime resume of killing evil things and kicking asses couldn't handle the Sniffles all that well.

Mr. Sick-and-Snuffly had finally recuperated, at least somewhat, and we were headed to Arkansas for the next job. We had just stopped at a local greasy spoon for a bite to eat, and Sam was giving Dean a case run-through.

"Seems like this spirit was someone who was very controlling when he was alive. Guess old habits die hard. He abducts people with strong wills and, well, asshole complexes and as soon as he gets his victims to give up, he disappears. He gets off on people submitting to him."

"I bet you'd know all about getting off on submission." I muttered, rolling my eyes and giggling at images that popped up of Sam in chains and purple fuzzy handcuffs. Damn. Kinky.

Sam whipped his head around so fast it made ME dizzy. "Do what, Chrystal?" He asked menacingly in that voice that clearly says, "I heard you, and you're dead."

"Err… I like your shirt?" I tried lamely, smiling and giving him my 'innocent' look. I really hadn't meant for it to slip out like that, but being stuck in a small motel with a sleeping cat and nothing to do but listen to Dean sneezing, coughing, hacking, spitting, and singing The Doors Greatest Hits in his croaky, off-key voice does things to your head. I actually usually love Dean's singing voice, but it just doesn't sound so good with 50 pounds of mucus behind it, it was a challenge not to clobber him after an hour.

"Very funny, Chrystal." He rolled his eyes.

"Well it's true…" I heard. Wait, did I say that? WHY did I say that? Damn, drowsiness, boredom, and Sam don't mix too well for me, do they?

"Just shut up now, ok? Please." He gave me a glare. Apparently not sleeping for a week, boredom, and bad singing don't mix well for him either. Bitch…

"Hey, what you do in the bedroom is your business, ok? I'm no prude, I understand. I can see where a long day of hunting and getting your ass kicked by demons could make you feel the need to get your ass kicked and hopefully fucked by something significantly hotter." I raised my hands up in a shrug. Now this is entertaining, right here!

The look on that 24-year-old man's face was so incredibly priceless! His face turned the brightest red I've ever seen, while his mouth dropped open as he tried to splutter out a denial. His dark brown eyes widened to an impossible dimension, and mirrored a look between 'I-can't-believe-you-said-that' and 'if-only-I-could-reach-over-there-and-kill-you'.

Dean just looked at him brother in complete amusement. "Oh my God, she's right, isn't she? Sam, are you the bottom?" Sam shook his head vehemently.

By this time, we were getting MANY strange looks from the other patrons.

I just couldn't hold it in anymore after that! I laughed so hard I think I changed colors. Dean was just looking at his brother in disbelief.

"So… You ARE top? Atta boy! I knew it." He clapped his brother on the shoulder. Sam just blushed and held his head in his hands. "Oh Lord Jesus Christ, please kill me now. I'm begging here. You owe me." He looked upwards.

That just made the whole situation even worse for Dean and me. We just couldn't stop laughing! I seriously thought I would piss myself when some woman walked by and winked at Sam, before whispering "Don't make fun of being the sub. Try it, you may like it." in his ear and then proceeding to bite him on the earlobe so hard he barely suppressed a squeal.

When we walked out of the diner an hour later, everyone was still laughing aside from the youngest Winchester. He wasn't thrilled. Especially when I pointed out the fact that his ear was starting to bruise.

"I could go back in there and get her number for you, but make sure you're ready for some… Fun.. first." I offered as we walked back toward the car, making a whip-cracking sound and winking.

"Ok. That is IT." Sam leaned over and picked me up, scooping me into his arms as easily as if I was five or weighed in at 40 pounds. Gotta hand it to the man, he's built like a friggin' OX.

"Hey! Dude, put me DOWN! I am NOT a ragdoll and I appreciate my feet to be on the ground, thank you! Oh, I hate you right now, you stupid Geek!" I screamed indignantly as people began to watch.

He merely chuckled and nodded at Dean. "Open the trunk." His brother just gave him a sly grin and did as he said.

Now MY big brown eyes were the ones in danger of popping out! "I can't fit in there! There's no way you'd really do that! I mean, right? You love me!" As he began to lower me into the car, I changed tactics and started to hit him. "This is ILLEGAL!"

"Yeah? So is everything else we do! Have a nice ride." He popped the trunk down on top of me and gave it a pat. I could hear the idiots laughing through the metal. Oh, I'm shooting them both with the freaking SAWED-OFF!

I heard the engine start with a shudder. They were actually going to make me ride in the trunk! Those bastards!

The car began to move and I bounced around on top of the weapons, cussing and hitting my head.

After what seemed like days, the car finally stopped and I heard the trunk open. Sam took one look at the expression on my face and pretty much collapsed into a fit of giggles. I was not, however, amused.

"I cannot believe you actually did that! You suck, dude!" He just laughed harder and pulled me into a one-armed hug. I began to chuckle a bit myself. I was still pissed, but the whole situation was pretty damn funny.

I looked around to see that the trip that felt like it had been hours long had, in actuality, been just a few loops around the parking lot.

I climbed back into the car and lay down, fully appreciating the cramped back seat now.

I looked at Sam's ear and poked it. "Yep, still worth it." Before laying back down and smiling to myself.


	8. Don't Say Dean and Sam are FBuddies 7

**Hey y'all, I'm really, REALLY sorry this took so long. I've been having a really fierce battle with my depression (probably shouldn't be sharing this, but ah, oh well.) and I really can't find interest or care for anything, so it took me about a week and a half to even check my e-mail, which jogged my memory to this.**

**To all you Reviewers; I gotta take a much-hated Chick Flick moment here: You guys seriously don't know how much you mean to me. I mean, beyond an "Oh, nice, they like this story". When you feel like you can't do ANYTHING right, and then you read people just saying they LOVE something that you did... It sounds stupid and simple, I know, but it really means the world. I love you guys and I'll try to do better at getting my shit together and writing.**

**Well, now that the emo-ness is over, I hope you enjoy the story! :) **

If there is one thing in the world that pisses the Winchesters off, it is people constantly assuming that they are, er, TOGETHER. I mean, at least once a month, someone slips in a reference to how cool they are with homosexuality. Or how much they hate gays. Or how they think the two just look so *cute* together. Or they just flat out ask who's pitchin' and who's catchin' which usually results in someone hitting the floor.

But, I mean, can you BLAME people? If they didn't act so damn 'erotically co-dependent' then nobody would ever assume that they swung the other way. I have to admit, even I thought in the beginning that they were gay as hell. At least just for each other.

So, anyway, off my little rant.

We were in… Kansas I think? When my latest little, uh, episode took off.

I was sitting at the bar while Sam and Dean hustled pool (It had taken Sam a few drinks and threats to finally get off his high horse allow me to sit there unsupervised) and chatting with this gorgeous girl.

Julia was her name and she had this long, curly caramel-colored hair with hints of red that fell softly into bright green eyes which contrasted beautifully with pale soft skin. Her lips were big and pouty, with no trace of lipstick, just delicate pink skin. She had on this tight little black shirt and leather jacket that hugged her just right and slid low onto her large chest without being slutty and equally tight low-rider jeans which showed off her perfect ass. Did I mention that she was 19 and also feeling very… ahem… 'experimental' with her sexuality? I was in heaven.

So you can easily imagine my extreme frustration when I saw her eyes wander over to where Dean was stretched across the pool table, broad shoulders rolling as he took the shot and sank number 5 beautifully into the corner pocket.

"Damn. Is he not the most gorgeous thing you have ever seen?" She was practically watering at the mouth. I rolled my eyes and cursed him in my head.

"Yeah, I know." I said slowly, with an air of wistfulness. "It's such a shame he already has a boyfriend."

Her head whipped around to me quickly and her face fell a little. "He's gay? You really think so?"

I shrugged. "I know so. He's my step-brother. We're on a road trip right now. That's his boyfriend, you know." I paused and smiled, thinking of what would piss Dean off even more. "His boyfriend's always top, you should hear Dean scream when he's going down. Can't even SLEEP when those two are goin' at it." I nodded my head at Sam and I sighed. "The sexiest men are always gay."

She agreed and continued to stare at him. Dean caught her eye and winked at her. She made a face and looked at me.

"He's always flirting with girls." I explained, looking at him tenderly. "He thinks he needs to cover up his true sexuality. His dad was one of THOSE types, ya know?" Julia shook her head sympathetically and nodded.

After the game was finished a few minutes later, Dean walked over with a sexy lopsided grin on and looked at Julia.

"Hey there. I'm Dean, Chrystal's brother." He kissed her hand and gave her a wink.

She looked at him with a face full of understanding kindness and cupped his cheeks in her hands.

"It's ok, Dean. Everyone accepts you for who you really are, you don't have to hide. It's ok to be gay." She gave him a soft kiss on the forehead while I struggled not to laugh at the extreme look of confusion he now had.

Dean finally managed to sputter out, "I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not gay. I can prove it to you."

He leaned into her and began to kiss her roughly and with skill. She kissed back at first, caught in the moment, before pulling away with a look of disgust and slapping him.

"What is WRONG with you? How could you act like that, with your lover standing right there?" She pointed at Sam, who now had the look on his face of an alarmed Chihuahua who had just been thrown into a pen of Rottweilers.

Dean looked back and forth from his brother to the hot, crazy chick who had just assaulted him until his eyes finally landed on me (I was now turning purple and shaking behind Julia to keep myself from laughing out loud) before he realized what had happened.

He reached around the girl and grabbed my arm, dragging me towards him, a look of rage on his face. I gulped.

"Chrystal. You do know that I am going to BUST. YOUR. ASS. GOOD as soon as we get back, right?" He growled in my ear. I couldn't help taking it in a way he did not mean and giggling a little bit. Hey, you gotta admit that that thought is a little hot, ok?

The look of shock on Julia's face was priceless. She wrapped an arm around me, putting herself between me and Dean. She obviously didn't know not to take him so literally. Then again, I wasn't really sure if he was serious this time myself.

"You're an asshole. Chrystal's going to stay with me tonight, right baby girl?" She winked at me and I nodded vigorously. Dean started to object, but had second thoughts and instead shouted to Sam "Care to help me out, or are you just gonna stand there, uh, 'Baby'?" Sam's Chihuahua face came back and he slowly walked over, probably wishing he could disappear.

Sam crossed his arms. "Look, ma'am, I don't know what Chrystal told you, but Dean and I are most certainly not together. We're both straight. And we're brothers. Chrystal is our little sister, and she really loves embarrassing the hell right out of us. I'm very sorry." He paused to glare at me, because most of the people in the dimly lit bar were now staring at us.

Julia wasn't buying it. She simply patted his bicep and said something to the effect of 'be proud of who you are' before wrapping her arm securely around my waist and leading me to her motorcycle with a promise to bring me back to their motel room in the morning. I gave the disbelieving pair of men behind me a little wave and smiled brightly before straddling the black, purple and green Kawasaki motorcycle behind the very hot girl. This was gonna be a hell of a night!

XXX

After an amazing few hours that was over far too quickly, I was back on Julia's bike headed to the motel where Sam and Dean were probably waiting with a gun to shoot me. She walked me to the door and, after promising to call her and visit her next time we were in Kansas, we shared a very hot good-bye kiss. I thought Dean was going to break something when he opened that door! I swear his left eye twitched.

I sat down on the bed and lay backward, extremely tired (of all the things I did last night, sleeping wasn't one.) and asked where Sam was. Dean replied that he had gone to get food before flopping down beside me and looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"So…" He asked, a sly smirk creeping across his face.

"So what?" I replied, confused. I raised my eyebrow.

"So, how was it?"


	9. Don't Call Sam 'Papa' 8

**Hello my darlings! I am going to try and be more dilligent with uploading, but I'm not sure how often that will be, because the Spirits just decided to take a cosmic spatula and stir the sh*t out of my schedule! Hehe, anyways...**

**I cannot believe how many of you guys like this! To be honest, I figured no one would like it, it was just something that kept me busy and happy. Well, now that y'all like it, I'll definitely try a bit harder!****Here's the next chapter! Hugs and Kisses, Geneva XOXO**

Once again, Sam was ignoring me in favor of some perky little blonde who was discussing the recent disappearances in some little city in Washington and how she "Just didn't feel safe without a big, strong man next to her." While slowly getting closer and closer to the youngest Winchester son while sliding a hand up his bulging bicep.

Excuse me; I'm going to go and vomit now. Bleh. She was hot, sure, but she had that annoying ditzy quality that was a major turn off for me, but Sam (whose brain was not upstairs at the moment) was drooling over her D-Cups.

Meanwhile, the little dilligent worker I am had been looking for Dean for the better part of an hour, and was starting to worry. I walked over to Mr. Big'n'Strong over there and asked him if he had seen Dean.

Both him and Buffy (or Muffy, Brittany, whatever the fuck her name was) gave me a heavy glare like "Go away, kid, I'm tryin to get laid here!"

I simply repeated louder, "Papa! Have you seen Dad around? I can't find him." His eyes widened and he blushed deeply.

"Chrystal. Please. SHUT. UP. I have not seen DEAN anywhere." He turned back to Miss Cheerleader*****, who had a confused pout on her face (like she had a clue to begin with! HAH!) and explained, "Dean is my brother, by the way."

"Papa, why would you say that? I thought y'all were going to start being more open now! You can't help who you love, that's what you always tell me." I lectured, trying to keep the smirk off of my face.

"I AM NOT GAY! JESUS CHRIST, WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?" Sam yelled, throwing his hands up in frustration and gaining several very odd looks from the people around us.

Luckily, the way I was holding back my giggles (lips bit, eyes watering, and body shaking) were interpreted as signs of crying.

"He should be ashamed…" "Such a sweet young lady." "I'll help you find your dad, miss." It seems that all of the people around were on my side, and thoroughly annoyed with Sam. I simply told them 'thank you' and explained that my 'dads' were still reluctant to publically acknowledge their relationship, but were trying.

Sam was mad. Probably the maddest he'd been at me, so far. Damn, those veins in his head sure are bouncy! He grabbed my wrist and twirled me around so that I was about two inches from his throbbing red face.

"Yeah, yeah, you're gonna beat my ass later. I'm aware, and it's worth it." I cut him off, giving him an evil smirk. He just stared at me, somewhat amused, but mainly mortified.

The blonde that he had been talking to earlier walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. He let go of me and turned to face her, smiling hopefully.

She just patted his shoulder like a little kid. "I like, totally admire you and your bf for taking in a kid. I mean, like, that's just so hard for two gay men, isn't it? And anyways, you shouldn't be like, ashamed of who you are. I like, really totally know how you feel. I mean, a made out with a girl once, and it's practically the same thing."

He just gaped at her. "Ma'am I am REALLY not—"

"If it, like, helps, I would totally sleep with you if you were straight."

Sam perked up a little and decided that going along to get along would be easier than trying to deny everything.

"Well, to be honest… I'm bi. Me and my partner are in an open relationship, so he wouldn't mind…"

She shook her head. "I would, like, feel like a total homewrecker, y'know? But good luck!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek and flounced away.

I was leaning against the bar, wrapped around some hot guy and watching Sam open and close his mouth in confusion. I smiled and walked over to him, patting him on the shoulder, mimicking the other chick.

"It'll like, totally, like, be all right, y'know?" I told him in my thickest 'Valley Girl' accent.

He glared at me with the glare he usually reserved for Lucifer and others of that nature before letting out an annoyed breath.

"Hey, did I miss all the fun?" Dean popped his head from around the corner, hair tousled. He was followed by a very giggly, busty redhead whose tight turquoise shirt was on backwards.

I was pissed. "I've been looking for you for TWO HOURS! And you were back there getting laid! What the hell, dude?" I seethed, drawing the boy from the bar over to me.

He put his arm around me. "Shhh, it's ok honey. You're Dad's fine."

Dean cocked a confused eyebrow. "Dad?" Sam nodded miserably and put his own arm around Dean in a similar posture.

"Baby, we've just been outted by our own daughter. Whadda ya say we drop her off in the next town over?"

Dean just rolled his eyes skyward before shaking his head defeatedly.

"I knew this would happen one day." He replied, pulling me to his chest and cutting off my air supply. He looked upward as if holding back tears and patted my back.

"Our little lesbian is growing up."

***(I mean no disrespect to any cheerleaders out there. I know some cheerleaders who are very intelligent and not at all slutty. I was just using the stereotype. My apologies if I offended you.)**


	10. Don't Read WINCEST With the Bros 9

**Ok, this doesn't follow the list plot EXACTLY, but you get the gist, right people? I had actually written this before the list came about, but this was my inspiration.**

**If you don't like it, I might re-write it. Read on!**

_**((CONTAINS SEXUAL REFERENCES AND BRIEF SCENE! READ AT OWN RISK, AND DON'T BLAME ME FOR YOUR DUMBASS REACTIONS!))**_

Ugh, I was so extremely freaking BORED!

I stretched comfortably on the motel bed (that I had to myself tonight) and cruised fanfiction on my laptop as Dean watched TV beside me and Sam surfed the web. We had come back to the room after only a few hours from a very basic salt'n'burn and were just hanging.

Out of curiosity, I clicked onto the 'Supernatural' category and flipped through various fics. Suddenly I saw something that said 'Wincest'. _Wincest, what the hell? _I thought, deciding to click it.

The fic started out really cute, Dean and Sam in the Impala, on the way to a hunt, singing along to Led Zeppelin, stopping on the side of the road, then - OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT! In my mind, I had never thought of putting 'Winchester' and 'incest' together…

I clicked off of it quickly, but then I got curious and went back to the page. Wait, how did I work _**MY**_ way into the fics?

'_**DeanxChrystal Wincest. Chrystal talks to Dean about sex and ends up learning hands-on.' **_OH MY GOD! THE FUCK? Yeah, Dean's hotter than hell, but he's like my brother! Furthermore, how did I work my way into WINCEST? We're technically not even related.

"So what ya readin there, kiddo? More of that fanfiction stuff?" Dean asked, popping a handful of M&M's in his mouth and grabbing a can of beer from the mini-fridge.

"You're like addicted to that, huh? What's this one about?" Sam asked, apparently bored with whatever was on his own screen.

My face turned blood red and I stammered, "Er, uh, nothing." Only to elicit an eyebrow raise from Dean, who without warning jerked my computer up to look at what was on my screen.

"ChrystalxDean Wincest…?" He asked in puzzlement. Giving me his best "WTF, you better tell me RIGHT NOW." Look.

I scrambled up from the bed and onto my feet defensively. "Well, first of all quit lookin' at me like that, 'cuz I sure as hell didn't write it! And…. It's about….. Umm…. ." I mumbled the last part so fast it came out in a blur.

"You wanna repeat that, little girl? Cuz I'm confused as fucking hell right now." He replied, still scanning the screen. Apparently he wasn't THERE yet….

"It's… Shipping me and you." I tried to answer the question but evade the meaning. Sam cupped a hand to his mouth and scrunched his face up in (almost) silent laughter. Shit, I hadn't planned on him knowing that term!

Dean whirled around and looked at Sam. "What's so damn funny? And what the HELL is 'shipping'?" He was starting to get extremely pissed.

I sighed, desperate not to have to explain this one period, let alone verbally. I closed my eyes, cleared my throat and pointed from myself, to him, and back to the bed.

"What do…?" He started to ask, and then realization dawned and his face went devoid of all color. He dropped the computer back on the bed as if it were seriously radioactive. "Me, a-and you, having s-sex? You're fucking 17! What kind of sick bastards write that shit?" You see, when Dean gets mad, he curses even more than usual.

"Well, you guys DO 'sleep together'. I can see where they get the idea…" Sam theorized, enjoying this way too much. I could see the tears of laughter in his eyes.

"Oh, shut up, Sammy! They ship you and Dean too! That's infinitely more popular, in fact." I smirked. Dean lost even more color than I thought possible and Sam stopped, eyes popping.

"And apparently you and Chrystal as well. Hell, no one's safe! They even have… Oh for the love of God." Dean flicked through the selections before stopping dead and lookin like he was about to puke. Guess he found the threesome pages. I peeked over to see what he was looking at.

_**Dean ran his tongue over his 'sister's' breasts, gently biting her rock hard nipples with his teeth. She smiled and teased his cock with her soft hands, running down the length and cupping his sac. They both moaned loudly with pleasure. Sam just couldn't take it anymore and he thrust himself inside Chrystal roughly from behind, just how she liked.**_

My breath caught in my throat and all the blood rushed to my face. Dean looked at me wide-eyed. "You like it… rough?" He asked, his voice quiet and gruff. I detected the sarcasm, but it was still not a rhetorical question.

I was caught totally off guard, my eyes so wide they could be used as dinner plates. I just shook my head and replied "Dude, I don't get how you can believe that thing! According to the last one I read, you and Sam both take it up the ass." He seemed appeased.

I was just so glad he didn't discover any of my other… well, kinks, I suppose one would call them. Like the spanking thing. God, he would never drop THAT one. Not that I ever got turned on when he beat my ass, cuz that shit just freaking _hurt_, let me tell you_._

"Sammy, you better shut the hell up or I'm gonna make you, you little bitch." He turned back to me, throwing out the 'finger'. "And I am **so** about to beat your ass for bringing this up!"

I threw my hands up. "It's not my fault! Like I said, I didn't write any of those. I was just curious for God's sake. I mean, it's better than looking at porn!" I was seriously getting exasperated. Couldn't he just drop it?

"Did you read any of those? Far from porn, they are not." Sam gestured to the computer, so not helping my case. Dean plopped onto the bed, still-pale face in hands.

"Ok, I really hate you guys right now! Can we just drop the subject?" I cried, snatching my clothes. "Ok, Dean, can I take a shower, or are you going to jump me like you do iiiiiin… that one?" I teased him, pointing to a fic on the screen titled _Steamy._

Dean blushed and gripped my wrist hard, giving me his patented "I-am-so-for-real-about-to-break-your-freaking-ASS" glare. Sheesh, guy's gotta learn how to take a joke.

"Ok, ok, I get it! I'll shut up about the thing if you will." I muttered, rolling my dark eyes and raising my free hand in a gesture of surrender, tugging at the other in an effort to regain blood flow in the limb.

"Deal. Sam?" We both looked at Sam expectantly.

He frowned, still smiling, making for a very weird combination. He was very reluctant to give this one up.

"Dude, you better say 'Deal'…"

Sam just mirrored my shrug, nodded his head, and agreed. Dean finally let go of my wrist and waved me toward the shower.

XXX XXX XXX

Dean and Sam spent a minute looking at each other once they heard the water start to run.

The eldest, for some reason was very curious of the fanfictions and decided to scroll through some more. He turned a shade of green the Jolly Green Giant would have been proud of when he read some of them.

"Dude, we are so totally never sleeping in the same bed ever again." Dean shook his head.

"Fine, you get the floor." Sam tossed a pillow at his brother's face, promptly receiving it back with an OOMPH!

"Bitch."

"Jerk!"


	11. Don't Call Dean a Pussy 10

**Whoo! 3 Chapters in 2 days! I'm back, baby! Haha. I'm so thrilled that you guys like this story as much as you do. We're working our way up to the 'nasty' ones, so I hope I can do them justice.**

**Happy reading, I hope you like it!**

"Oh my God, oh my God! I'm so sorry! I swear I just meant to draw his energy again, I didn't mean to… He jumped on me!" She pointed at my cat, who was mewing pitifully, confused about why he had been thrown so unceremoniously from a warm lap.

I sat, stunned, in a dimly lit room, with candles flickering around a table. Across from me sat a rapidly apologizing raven-haired, beautiful young witch.

Joan had been trying to teach me how to do some weird energy thing to help Dean heal a wound when all of a sudden; Sweeney had jumped onto her lap. Her concentration flew to the cat, and I ended up with a tiny, furry, black Dean on my lap. His still-vibrant-green eyes searched mine in an eerie mimicry of human Dean's as he mewed pitifully and paced on my legs.

Sam was doubled over laughing at his brother's predicament.

"Sam! This isn't funny! I don't… I don't know if I'm strong enough to change him back!" Joan was nearly ripping her hair out with frustration. She looked quite deranged.

Dean's current situation was mainly my fault. I had gone to the store while wearing my favorite Pentacle necklace. Usually I tuck it under clothes so as not to get attacked (Hey, Pagans aren't welcome in the Bible belt!) but I was in such a hurry to get some medicine for Dean, who had gotten stabbed in the leg, that I hadn't cared.

Joan had come up to me and asked me about it, revealing herself to be a witch as well. I was a bit wary, but willing to try anything.

She healed Dean rather quickly, much to my glee. Then, she tried to teach me how to do it in the future.

And that's when he grew fur.

"Hey, at least you're in one piece." I mused, scratching Dean on the ear. He had become very cuddly in his feline state and was purring and rubbing against my chest.

"Awww! You make a really good lil' pussy, you know that?" I crooned, momentarily forgetting who I was cooing at.

The next moment, however, I was reminded. The cat, ahem, DEAN, yowled in apparent anger and ripped a claw down my face and all the way down to my boobs, leaving a bloody trail.

"SON OF A BITCH!" I yelled, throwing him across the room. I was gratified to hear a hiss as he hit the wall and slid down, but he came at me again, and now he was pissed!

I put a hand out and caught him easily, a welcome change from the usual pounding that came after me mouthing off.

Dean scratched, clawed, and bit my hands bloody. I yelped, but did not let go.

"Ok! That is IT!" I marched over, cat held by the nap of the neck none too gently, to the weapons bag and plunged my hand in.

Sam jumped up and looked at me in alarm. "Whoa, hey hey hey! Chrystal, what're you doing?"

I pulled a long, sharp knife out of the bag and smiled. "I'm castrating this motherfucker! Wanna help?"

At these words, Dean let out a loud screech and twisted and turned violently in my hand. When that didn't work, he clung to my body and gazed up at me with big, green eyes. He licked me gently and purred. Suck up...

I glared at his pure cuteness and dropped the knife. "Ok, you scratch me again and I'm going to whack your happy place OFF, you got it?" Sam snorted. Dean nodded and I couldn't help but laugh.

As I fought with Feline Man, Joan had been flipping through her spellbook, trying to find some freaky voodoo to fix the eldest Winchester.

"HERE IT IS!" She trilled, skipping up and down. Girl's crazy. Crazy HOT, but crazy…

She walked over and lifted Dean up out of my arms and sat him on the bed. She laid both hands on him and closed her eyes, chanting under her breath.

There was a gentle hum and all of a sudden, a very naked Dean Winchester was on the bed, looking as though he had been bonked on the head very hard. Believe me, I would know that look.

He rolled his eyes a few times, perspective coming back. Then, he noticed I was in the room.

"YOU." He said, glaring at me and starting up menacingly. My eyes widened and I darted behind Sam, who just shook his head, annoyed as hell, I presume.

"YOU were about to cut my dick off! Who would want all this to go to waste?" He gestured down south and everyone in the room glanced quickly at the ceiling, groaning.

"You clawed half my face off! You woulda deserved it!" I poked my head around Sam, unfazed by Dean's nudity.

"You called me a pussy! THIS proves otherwise!" He gestured again and I rolled my eyes.

"Pussy as in cat, Dumbass."

"Yeah, I know that, but still."

I growled in annoyance. "I knew you should have kept the tail."

At this, he grimaced. "Ya know, the tail I could live with. But the fleas are murder." He shuddered, and I fell over in a fit of giggles.

Joan just looked at us both in confusion, backing slowly toward the door.

"Umm, I'm really glad that I could help. Sorry about the cat thing. Er, bye!" She zoomed out the door before anyone could say anything else.

I threw a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt at Dean. "Put some damn clothes on, man, I'm going blind." Dean just laughed and stood up grabbing me to his bare chest.

"C'mon, you know you like it." I blushed deeply and smacked his chest, pushing out of his grip.

"I still say you'd make a better pussy."

**Hehe, Gary Oldman (Sirius Black) quote For the Win! I love that guy :)**


	12. Keep Sam Away From Computers 11

_**God, I'm so sorry you guys! There's no excuse for me having abandoned this for so long, it's just ridiculous. I suck as an authoress. Let me just say that this fic IS getting finished, come hell or high water. I can't apologize enough! Please be gentle!  
It's, er, really**__**, REALLY**__** stupid, I'm aware. I was pretty intoxicated for over half the thing, LOL but it's better than nothing. I'll try to get the rest churned out soon but I've been more than a little preoccupied. Sorry guys. Three words; 'Shitty. Ass. Breakup.'**_

_**((By the way, the song Chrystal is playing is 'Behind Closed Doors' by Rise Against. Kickass song. Go look it up!))**_

"How was I supposed to know that cops were so sensitive about the donut thing?" Dean asked me, shrugging innocently like a ten-year old who had been caught swapping the salt with the sugar. I just put my hand over the receiver and called my friend a few less-than kind words before I looked back up through the glass to meet his patent 'whatcha-gonna-do' stare. Yes, the dumbass had ended up in jail again. Since I was with him, but not arrested, they let him talk to me after some 'boobing' and pleading on my part. Pigs. (No pun intended.)

"Look, just play nice for a little bit and I'll go get Sam and figure this mess out. And try not to piss off everyone of some authority around here. I don't like them either, but everyone gets that you're the James Dean reincarnate, alright? So just shut your trap for a little while and try not to drop the soap." With that, I hung up the phone and gave a sweet smile and little wave in response to the single finger salute Dean was waving.

I grinned brightly as I slid into the Impala's driver seat for the first time. This was too good to be true! I was actually getting to drive the, what was it? Oh, yeah, 'Metallicar'! (The fans of 'Supernatural' come up with the craziest shit, don't they? Naming a car… Geez!)

I very carefully backed out of the parking lot and hit the road back to the motel. When I stopped being scared shitless of breaking the thing, I reached behind the seat and grabbed a small device that plugged into the car and placed my iPod in it. This thing was the dock that Sam had purchased. It was our little secret, and we only used it when Dean wasn't in the car, because he would go ballistic if he knew.

"_Chests thrown and tables toppled, hands armed with broken bottles. Standing no chance to win but we're not running. We're not running… There's a point I think we're missin', it's in the air we raise our fists in and the smiles we cast each other. My sister, my brother…"_

I blasted the music until I was fairly sure that everyone within a two-mile radius could identify the song and prayed that all the cops in the area were preoccupied with the murder scene (or my dumbass 'brother') because I was just BEGGING for a noise violation. And I was speeding a little, because I REALLY had to pee!

I pulled into the Bumfuck Quickie 8 or whatever the hell the name of this place was, and tracked down our room. I slid the automated card key into the lock a few times before it finally took and I slowly opened the door. Noticing that Sam was sitting at the computer with his back to me and earphones in, I walked very easily so as not to disturb him. Because if an unsuspecting Sam hears a loud noise, he's been known to go nuts. This can result in a major "OWW" factor for all involved. Even if you're just getting up in the middle of the night to get a drink. Yeah…

I slipped easily into the bathroom and got back out as quickly as I could, because Dean would NOT last long in jail without having to start some shape or form of shit with someone. I heard Sam talking and assumed he was on the phone with Bobby. I dried my hands and opened the door, stepping back onto the dirty carpet and looking up when I saw and heard things that I wasn't mentally ready for.

The sight of Sam, err… having a personal… wasn't really in itself a new thing to see. Not really all that pleasant, but, hey, when you're on the road with two guys all year round you get used to them, in the undying words of the great George Carlin, 'waxing their carrots'. What actually disturbed me were the voices coming from the computer. "_I want you to R.A.M your hard drive into me baby! Ooh! Yeah!" _What the hell?

As I stood in front of the door with a rather perplexed look on my face, Sam noticed that I was there and blushed deeply. Smirking, I looked away while he fixed his clothing and stood up but I quickly jumped at the computer before he could close the window.

I looked at the screen curiously. There was a woman lying on her back wearing a micro-mini office skirt, slightly unbuttoned top and heels, but she was also adorned with thick-rimmed glasses, a pocket protector, and held a vibrator that looked like… A microchip?

I laughed so hard that I literally doubled over and couldn't breathe. "Geek porn? REALLY Sam?" I laughed some more. "Better be careful you don't get a… VIRUS!" I finally started to calm down, but I then I looked at Sam. His facial mix of utter mortification, anger, and amusement was just too much for me to take and I collapsed into sobs of laughter on the bed. After a few more comments about 'memory sticks' and 'inserting' I was able to wipe my tears and catch my breath.

"Chrystal. If you breathe a WORD of this to Dean or Bobby," Sam said to me in a voice heavy with promises of severe physical injury. "I swear I will show them all those nasty little stories you write. Oh, I know about them." He said with a smirk. I immediately sobered up. That would be bad. Especially since he was a main feature in most of them.

"Fine. Truce." I held up my hands in surrender and bit my lips to fight back the giggles. He just rolled his big ole' brown eyes and blew an exasperated puff of air, a smile quirking the corner of his lips. I stood up from the bed and remembered why I had come back in the first place.

"Well, come on then Spock. Let's go get Captain Kirk out of the brig." I smirked and chuckled as I turned to walk away before I felt a heavy THWACK! on the back of my head. "Saaam!" I moaned. "Don't Gibbs slap me!"

"I meant what I said Chrys. I will print out those stories and post them everywhere." I nodded, open mouthed and it was his turn to smirk at me as he walked out. He stopped in the doorway and said "By the way, it's not smart to set your password as your favorite poem when your user icon is a 'Raven'." I stuck my tongue out and he laughed.

"C'mon, Sulu!"

I chased after him. "I am NOT Sulu!"


End file.
